I was good at being a rat

I was 17. It was my first time travelling internationally and I was visibly excited! I felt proud because I had earned this trip. I was one of three young people selected to represent India at an international environmental program in South Africa for 10 days. I never imagined that this would turn into such a life changing experience (as clichéd as that sounds) and I must admit I never fully realized how much of an influence this experience has had on me until now. I was just another 17 year old, excited to travel abroad for the very first time in my life.

Entabeni, South Africa; 2004

Growing up, I was very nerdy, annoyingly competitive and very much keen on being the fastest rat in the rat race. I was good at being a rat ☺; I excelled at academics, ranked among the top three in almost every examination and did well in extra-curricular activities. Then, at 17 years, I met 50 other 16-18 year olds who helped me discover the meaning of true accomplishment. 51 young people, in the South African wilderness, without gadgets, computers, internet, phones or books for 10 days….. I think it was the first time in my life that I was focused on just getting to know people and reflecting on my own existence (not to mention enjoying the sounds of lions roar and beautiful sunrises by the watering hole)

No… I did not have an epiphany in the wilderness, but it did leave me with the desire to not be a rat anymore. I wanted to be more human. The wonders of the South African wilderness and the company of 50 inspiring young people infused me with a sense of curiosity and left me with an itch that I couldn’t fully identify back then. I spent the next few years of my life experimenting with multiple things, launching a mild rebellion against myself and my idea of accomplishment. I tried my hand at event management, volunteered with some NGOs, set up a small student volunteers run institution with friends on HIV/AIDS awareness, earned an internship in Malaysia to work with young people on environmental issues, learnt some French, did another internship in Mumbai on issues of water management, read as much as I could. Of course, to appear more normal, I appeared for all possible MBA entrance examinations in my final year of university, but never bothered looking at my score twice. I decided to take a year off and spent it experimenting more, reading more. This is a luxury that I am extremely grateful for.

When I was back in South Africa earlier in June this year as part of the VVLead fellowship and heard Alyse Nelson speak to us about our ‘driving force’, I was intrigued and started reading more about it.  I stumbled on an article that said that there are broadly two basic kinds of driving forces – one where you are running away from something and one where you are running towards something. While the former is important, the latter gives your life true meaning.

My experience at 17 in the South African wilderness nudged me and helped me ‘run away’. However, I do not remember the exact moment when I made the transition from ‘running away’ to ‘running towards’ something. Somewhere in between that year off after graduation, I instinctively knew I wanted to work in development. From that moment on, I never ever doubted or regretted this instinct.

With Dana in Pokuase, Ghana; 2010

I studied Development Studies at the London School of Economics on a scholarship for a year and began experimenting again, but this time, with a very clear purpose. I travelled to Mexico on a social fellowship, where I met Dana my ex-boss. Dana infected me with her passion for bottom-up development and introduced me to her impactful, honest work in Ghana. Working in Ghana helped me realize that I really wanted to work in India. I felt more connected to India spiritually and culturally and believed I personally would be more impactful in India. I must admit this wasn’t easy. I applied for jobs in the non-profit sector but was never offered a role that involved working directly with communities. 

When I look back, I realize that the development sector in India is a tough one to break into, especially if you have no prior background and no idea where to begin. I was slowly beginning to get restless and was on the brink of giving up when the ICICI fellowship happened just then in 2010, which assigns young people to rural grassroots organizations for a period of 2 years. This fellowship was perfect for someone like me.  

In rural Rajasthan; 2011

I was very fortunate to have been serendipitously placed in Shram Sarathi, a social business which I currently lead. For the next four years of my life (long after the fellowship was over) I lived and worked among tribal migrant communities in rural Rajasthan. The experience only reinforced my passion for development and really demonstrated how long term engagement and complete immersion in communities are so critical, both for creating social value and personal gain. But now that I think of it, the experience also played a significant role in shaping up my ‘driving force’ in life. My ‘driving force’ is still a work-in-progress, hard to articulate and I will write more about it as I reflect on it and debate with myself.

But for now, all I can say is this – I was good at being a rat, then life gave me the opportunity to be more human. Thank God!

"Managing" Expectations at Work

I am one of those people who will pretty much google anything and everything (Yes, I use ‘google’ as a verb). I had yet another dismal day at work today and it had a lot to do with “managing expectations” at work. So I got back home, googled this phrase and read the top few articles that showed up. Most articles spoke about communicating well with your boss to manage his/her expectations; to ensure that we performed exactly the way we are expected to...... Now all these are certainly important and some of those articles I did read with interest, but that is not what I was looking for. Today at the end of work, I was left wondering how to manage one’s own expectations from others – the team, the wider community, people you deal with during work etc.

I’ll tell you what triggered this post.  We are about to launch a new branch in a new rural/ semi-urban location and it is a very exciting time for my organisation and me. I booked a few pieces of furniture last week and today its delivery was due. When I inspected the piece of furniture I was about to buy, I noticed it had a few scratches on the top surface... I forced myself to look away. The shop owner read my mind and said that these things happen during transportation....Again I forced myself to agree with him. I looked in another direction but then noticed another scratch on the side. I diverted my gaze to ignore it. I looked in the downwards direction and noticed that the ply had chipped off on one of the doors. I couldn’t handle it anymore and I requested a replacement. I was told not to expect 100%. I agreed and thought to myself, probably 95% wasn’t too bad an expectation to keep. The shop owner was non-chalant. He knew he was the only furniture shop owner in a 10 km. radius and I would have to agree with him. I still stood my ground and refused to accept it. He refused to offer a replacement and the deal was off. I left with really mixed feelings. I was glad I refused to purchase the item, but somewhere I felt, what now? Where would I get the furniture and how would I set up the office? Two senior colleagues at work also inspected the table and while they agreed it was not perfect they did gently tell me to purchase it..... I held on to my stubborn demand to have a non-scratched, non-chipped office table. Later when I sat on the bus, I kept wondering if I had done the right thing.  Probably. Probably not.

Now that I am writing this post, I decided that I’d go back and well..... purchase it L . I fought hard with myself and accused myself of lowering my expectations. Then I weighed the options. If I didn’t get that table, I’d have to order one from Udaipur, 70 kms away and in all likelihood that would be scratched too, not to mention the additional costs involved in getting it transported here to Salumbar. That would mean no table for a week – a disorganised office for a week – a complete mess. I was given this feedback quite subtly earlier that given the context we operate in and its limitations one needs to set expectations accordingly and work around that. That doesn’t mean lowering one’s expectations, right? It probably means learning to manage them better. Managing expectations is TOUGH and I wouldn’t say I’ve done a very good job ..... but now I’m comfortable admitting it to myself, which for me is a big step, a difficult step. Hopefully I will ease into it over time. It will hopefully do a lot of good to my team management skills as well.

I wish there were an easy way to learn this. Having grown up in a big city and then having moved to work in a small semi-urban/rural town is not an easy transition. I thought I had made the transition 3 years ago, but apparently not. I’m still learning to. None of this stops me from dreaming though.....that how wonderful it would be if furniture shop owners cared for what they sold, that painters would give you a perfect finish, that the cleaner would dust a little better, that plumbers would fix your pipe on time and that someday expectations wouldn’t make you feel super-guilty. Some day..... 

Happy IWE Anniversary !!!

Dear All,

It has been 4 years since that wonderful experience. The IWE was without doubt the best thing to happen to me ever… And even inspite of having some interesting experiences over the past 4 years, the IWE is still my favourite memory of all.

As clichéd as this might sound, for me the IWE was a journey of self discovery. Every decision that I’ve made since then has been influenced by the way I shaped up as a person at the IWE in South Africa..... and I cannot be grateful enough for it. I never realised that this was happening, but it was indeed. The best things that have happened to me in these 4 years have been greatly influenced by the IWE and the things I learnt there.




The best part about the IWE ? The people I met. I can’t believe that we’re still in touch after so long, inspite of the distance and prolonged silence. All of you made me see things from a different perspective and I had something to learn from every single one of you.





To Harini and Gini – It’s surprising that all 3 of us are so very different and yet we get along so well. The unusual friendship that we’ve grown to discover over these years is something I will truly cherish.....And also, the fact that the 3 of us are still in touch with Fran makes me feel so happy :)

To everyone whom I’ve met since the IWE – Bea, Nithiya, Gini, Rachel, Chiharuko and Hyunmin – when I met you guys, it was the happiest I had felt in years.....And when I had to say goodbye yet again, it felt horrible !

To all 51 of you– Harini, Gini, Beatrice, Cheung, Panda, Esther, Cathy, Cedric, Kit, Kimmey, Hyunmin, Minsueng, Jung yoon, Nithiya, Rachel, Kelene, Shadwin, Neo, Liezle, Tsheki, Tshego, Pommie, Richy, Didi, Bee, Rea, Tintin, Ashley, Gayle, Nicole, Emma, Sophia, Kintan, Frisda, Teddy, Benz, Mareya, Pim, Sarah, Ahmed, Long, Ming, Grace, Violette, Chiharuko, Shie, Tappei, Holly, Max, Dung and Huong – I miss you all very much and “Ek us life vir jao”

And of course to complete the Ubungani family – Hanneke, Johan , Zuzette, Pieter, Luzego, Tracey and Marijtie - I wish that someday I’ll be back in the South African wilderness, sitting by the campfire, singing and talking to all of you.

Love xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

PS : NokShanti is still the best. Undisputable :)

My HSBC Scholarship Experience

So, I won a full scholarship from HSBC 2 days ago and it still hasn’t sunk in yet. I just felt like writing a little about it because it has been one of the best interview experiences ever.
In the first week of April, I had jus received my rejection for a GSS (Graduate Support Scheme) from LSE and I was very disappointed. At that very moment the HSBC scholarships were announced and in frustration I filled up my form within minutes, obviously not expecting to be shortlisted because I knew how competitive it was…but to my surprise I did get shortlisted and that’s when I started hyper-ventilating. After 2 months of freaking out I finally had my interviews.

First round of interviews :

16 of us were shortlisted out of 327 applicants – Chinmaya, Aastha, Surbhi, Shruti, Vrinda, Nimisha, Parul, Karan, Rohan, Navnit, Shahana, Garima, Kamla, Rashmi, Dia and Me.
We were called to the HSBC office at 8:30 am on the 22nd of July. This was supposed to be the first round of interviews with internal HSBC panel. I was so nervous that I felt numb and especially so after interacting with some of the applicants because they were all so brilliant and had accomplished so much at such a young age. Koninika Mitra from the HR department was extremely genial and supportive and kind of helped reduce some of the stress.

I think I was the fourth person to be interviewed by the head of Corporate sustainability and head of Commercial Banking I think at HSBC. While it was a friendly interview I was asked a lot of questions on present policies and my opinions on them and how in my opinion could certain issues be solved. Smooth interview. I didn’t feel like I gave any stupid answer, but I wasn’t convinced that I had given it my best shot either. It lasted around 20-25 minutes. I was nervous till the end. Finally after lunch, 8 of our names were called since we had been shortlisted for the final round of interviews – Vrinda, Chinmaya, Surbhi, Aastha, Rohan, Nimisha, Shruti and Myself. I was happy that I had been shortlisted, but probably a 100 times more nervous.


The Final Interview :

23rd July was supposed to be the final and deciding round of interviews with the external panel. The panel consisted of Mr. Pride- Country director of British Council in India, Mrs. Indu Shahani – Sheriff of Mumbai and Principal of H.R. College, Mr. Govindraj Ethiraj – famous journalist, Mrs. Pheroza Godrej – Environmentalist and educationist, Abha Narayan Lamba – famous conservation architect and there was one observer – Mrs. Malini Thadani- head of Corporate sustainability at HSBC.

The big names in the panel really scared me, but at the same I was excited that I would actually get to meet them. I generally read about them in the papers, so getting to meet them and talk to them was a very big deal for me. I told myself that even if I didn’t get this scholarship, it would be totally worth it because of the interaction with these amazing people.
So again, I had to report at the Oberoi at 8:30 am. I was the second person to be interviewed. I cant remember how many bottles of water I drank and how many times I visited the bathroom.....it still did not quell my nervousness.
So, I enter the interview room. The setting was informal. We all sat around a table. The panel was sipping coffee, having cookies. All eyes on me. Oh my God !!!!! I sat next to Mrs. Thadani. Mrs. Shahani congratulated me on my university rank. Dead silence at the table after I said Good morning and blah blah blah. Finally Mr. Pride kicked off by asking me a question. The interview was a mix of personal and academic questions, current affairs, policy issues, my opinion on certain developments and my purpose in life. At this interview there were many questions that I had no answer to and I said so and at certain times I was rambling (I still feel a little stupid about that). I disagreed twice with Abha Narayan Lamba and I’m not sure if she was too happy about it. Govindraj Ethiraj was furiously scribbling notes in his notepad and asked me just 2 questions or so. I was completely overwhelmed by Mrs. Godrej and felt like a star-struck fan. Well, after lots of questions and nearly 30-35 minutes I was finally done. It was over. Nothing more that I could do. I walked out of the room feeling a little apprehensive because I wasn’t sure if that was my best performance. At the same time I must say, the panelists were incredibly nice to me. They did not grill me in a derogatory way and respected every opinion of mine even if it were different from theirs. I felt good about myself after the interview and so did the others. There was a general ‘feel-good’ atmosphere after every interview.

The wait is the hardest part I think..... And to be honest I was really intimidated by every other candidate. They had had more academic training than me, knew more than me and could rattle off theories like Bollywood songs. I felt a little silly actually.

Anyway, after everyones interviews and a few more visits to the bathroom, we finally left for lunch...And throughout I couldn’t stop thinking about my responses and what I should’ve said and what I shouldn’t have said. Oh the agony of waiting !!! I showed some of them around the Jehangir art gallery and then returned to the Ritz hotel and within no time, I was fast asleep on Vrinda’s bed.


The Award Function :

At around 6 pm we all left for the British Council auditorium at Nariman point where the award ceremony was to be held. The place was full, people from HSBC, British Council, NGO groups, students, us. In the beginning there was a panel discussion moderated by Mini Menon on education, leadership etc. It was very nicely done. After a short presentation on HSBC’s social initiatives, it was time for the awards to be announced. Heart pounding, sweaty palms, dry mouth, numb feeling, everything condensed into those few minutes.
The first award went to Rohan. Lots of clapping (mainly to relieve the tension locked inside me). I did not expect my name to be called out the second time. I was in complete disbelief when my name was called out. OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!! And it was done in pure Oscar style, with a background score and cameras following me till the stage once my name was announced. I received the award from Naina Lal Kidwai !!!!!! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. How many people my age actually get to even see her ??? Best moment of this entire process, especially when she told me that she now expects great things of me. Oh my god !!!What followed was madness, hugs from everywhere congratulatory handshakes, photographs, recorded interview. Wow. It was way too overwhelming.


The Overall Experience :

I loved the entire process for the simple fact that they made us all feel really good about ourselves. It was a confidence booster, even for those who didn’t win the scholarship.....And the kind of relationship we shared with the other candidates was amazing. There was no negative competition and strangely I find myself very attached to some of them. I hope they get the funding they need and make it to the UK so that they will be around next year as well. Nimisha won a DFID scholarship, so she will definitely be there :)
I just am so very grateful to Koninika first of all because they eased the process for us and calmed us when it was most needed.....And of course I have no idea how to thank the panel and HSBC for this amazing opportunity. I do not know what the future holds for me, but I do know that I’m going to make the best of this scholarship and work as hard as I can.

This is surreal. It hasn’t sunk in yet. I’m relieved, happy, elated, excited, nervous, everything.



The HSBC Scholarship programme :

The HSBC scholarship programme has been active for the past 6 years. This year was the seventh year. Each year 2 scholars from all over the country are selected to join colleges at the University of Oxford , Cambridge and London. It is a fully funded scholarship up to a maximum of ₤25,000 per year. Check this website for more details :
http://www.banking.hsbc.co.in/in/aboutus/scholar/index.htm



I’m off to bed now. I haven’t slept in weeks and now thanks to this scholarship I can enjoy my last few weeks in India, before I leave for London. I ♥ HSBC :)

My Experiments with Food

It has been one year since I got back from Malaysia and I'm finally putting up some pictures. These are some of the things I'd eaten there, which I've been boasting about for so long.

Background story : I'm supposed to be a pure vegetarian. When I got to Malaysia and asked for vegetarian food, I was given tofu (which I absolutely detest).....Finally, after being fed up by the so-called vegetarian food, I didnt bother and ate anything and everything that filled my stomach...Some of it was yummmm, some were disgusting and in some cases, I had no idea what was going into my mouth... So here are some pictures of more or less everything I ate during my 3 months in Malaysia :








All of this was SO sweet. I had a sucrose overdose !!! And this was just week 1. I dont know why Malaysians put so much groundnut and coconut in every dish. It gets annoying you know.



Roti Canai...The only reason i survived in Malaysia for so long.



Roti something...



They serve juice like that everywhere...Whatever happened to regular glasses



Me secretly sipping dal at a McDonalds outlet...I think this was week 1...still wasnt used to meat...so Vivien bought roti and dal from some Indian place, poured the dal into a McDonalds cup and instructed me to eat it quietly so as to not make anyone suspicious. What better way to eat dal than sip it



Hokkien noodles... This was not good...at all. Period.





Ice kacang...not meant for me..... They put crushed ice with some coloured flavoured liquid (very much like our ice golas) into a bowl. Then they add semi-solid steamed corn, groundnuts, some slimy green things..... and its just not my idea of the perfect dessert. Malaysians love it and I just cant seem to understand why. Why groundnuts in everything !?!?!?!



As disgusting at this may look, I actually liked this. Really good chicken, piping hot with sticky rice and chinese green tea.



This is us eating that chicken that you see above.....Look how happy I am. I really did enjoy that meal.



Roasted chicken with salad, curry and rice. Whatever



Rambutans i think...Yummy tropical fruit. You know I had durians too and I actually liked it. Most people hate it. I publicly announce it - I LOVE DURIANS !!!!!



Street food. Again lots of coconut !!!



Some more street food. Baby Octopus sautey. Ok fine, I didn't actually eat this. I just took a picture. I got very close to buying this though. I was on some sort of an culinary experimental rampage. This was after some 6 weeks i guess :)



Pau. Ohhhhhh, my favourite Malaysian mini snack. Its kinda like vada pav...only the stuffing is much better... and the outside whitish bun is amazingly soft and yum. Different flavoured stuffings also. Heaven !!!



Nando's chicken. Not bad.



Nasi goreng (fried rice)with chicken, salad and pickles. Without doubt the best meal I had at any Malaysian restaurant. A big thank you to Firdaus's mom who took us out for lunch that day.



I have no idea what this is. Not too fit for consumption.



Thai pineapple rice. Nice.



Japanese sushi and other seafood. I didnt have all of it. It was ok I guess.



The protruding fish tail put me off.



Yummy Korean side dishes. I LOVE Kim Cheeeeeeeeee...Slurp :P



Cold wheat noodles. Korean of course.



After the waiter cut my noodles with a scissor.



Some sort of weird Korean seafood broth. Didn't like very much.



Chinese dinner at someone's birthday party. I realised at this dinner party that I actually do like Chinese food.



Traditional Malay family dinner. This is what Firdaus's mom cooked for all of us. Thank you sooooooo much Auntie. Bestest dinner in the whole world. I hogged like a pig at this dinner party.



Multicultural farewell dinner, hosted by Claudia, Aika and myself. HongKong + Kazakhstan + Indian cuisine. Obviously people got intoxicated at the end of it and what followed was an unforgettable night with silly games, stupid talk, butt dances and ahem...more



Aika's special Kazakh lamb dish. Do you know that horse meat is a delicacy in Kazhakstan. You know I can eat chicken and lamb and fish and all..... but horses, I mean i ride them. I cant imagine digesting something taht I ride on. Will try it though. For sure.



Claypot chicken rice. So-so.



Kuey Teow I think. Better. Nithiya's favourite.



Nithiya's mom's special chicken-cooked-in-oven dish. Excllent excellent meal. I ate so much chicken that night, I can't even remember.



Breakfast at Nithiya's home. Some brown powdery stuff with some ochre coloured sugary stuff with banana. Nice and filling :)



Seafood extravaganza with Nithiya's family. This lunch officially qualifies as my initiation into the not-so-elite club of non-vegetarians. I ate everything on the table... and surprisingly liked most of it. My first tryst with all kinds of seafood.



Huge shrimp coated in groundnut. AGAIN



Fish with fancy fins and tail. This tasted GOOOOOOOOOOD



Crab. Not that good, but not that bad either.



Hammering the crab to crack it open.



Sotong (Baby Squid). I HATED this. Not only did this taste bad, but I always felt that their eyes were staring right back at me. Creepy baby squid. I did like the regular sotong goreng (fried squid) though. Very chewy and tasty. Babies just should not be consumed. Strict rule.



After eating everyone compares the heap of crab shells and shrimp heads next to their plate. This is what mine looked like. Wait till you see the next one.



This is what Nithiya's uncle's plate looked like. HOW do they eat SO MUCH seafood ?!!??!! And how can you put all the remains on the table with such a pretty table cloth !??!?! It's a Malaysian thing.


Well, that ends my guided tour of my experiments with food. I musy say I was very inflexible to begin with. Slowly learnt that if I want to see the world, travel to different places, I MUST learn how to eat EVERYTHING. I still can't get myself to eat pork and beef. No red meat yet. Lets see. In London perhaps.

I feel confident now that I can survive anywhere in the world without being too fussy and choosy..... And I'm happy about that. My dad however sprinkled some Ganga jal on me when I told him about everything I ate :D

I know I'll continue to try out new things and I'll continue to experiment with food. When I tried all this out, I felt such a strong sense of accomplishment and I enjoy that feeling and I want it again...so I will continue eating like this. It makes me happy to know that as every day passes by I become more and more flexible as a person. I've always been rigid with fixed ideas and opinions. I'm glad that's changing. I hope I turn into a better person with each passing day.

My conclusion : If you want to be a better person, start with food. Serious.