Not yet. I know there are just 7 more days till I say goodbye to 22 years of friends, family, teachers, experiences, memories, 22 years of my life. I keep saying that it hasn’t sunk in yet, that the thought of leaving home and studying in a foreign land doesn’t seem real enough yet...But today I met my professors from college. It was the first goodbye that felt strange; it felt like a transition from my previous illusory feeling to reality – that it was time for me to leave. I then said goodbye to 3 years of WHARF, Leo and all the sweat and toil - Another subtle reminder of the future that awaits me far away from home. I tried to ignore it simply because it felt like a growing sense of desperation, anxiety but eager anticipation at the same time....... too many conflicting emotions. Then came the “Bon voyage (Son+Rup) al Bash. The farewell dinner arranged for Sonal and me by Kartik, Anuj, Preeti and Ena. It was one of the best evenings I’ve had in a while and in some way it eased me into the process of accepting the fact that it was really time to bid farewell. There were sudden brief moments during the dinner when a random thought would just pop up in my head reminding me of the need to say goodbye. Uncomfortable? Certainly not. Difficulty in expression? Yes, very much so. Even though I’ve always felt a sudden surge of emotion when I’m about to say my goodbyes, I can never get myself to cry or turn into a mumbling sentimental wreck. The only time that happened was when I left South Africa because it was too intense an experience. But yes, I experienced a similar surge of emotion tonight, but found no way to express it. All I can say perhaps is that you guys have no idea how happy I was tonight and how terribly I will miss all of you. Thank you for this wonderful evening, which was the perfect goodbye. I’m not good with saying these things, so I hope you read my blog :)
People have been telling me for nearly 6 months now how painful the farewell will be and how much I will miss everything and everyone. Why do we need other people to make us realize things that we knew right from the beginning? Why this delayed sense of acceptance? Of accepting something inevitable that we were aware of all along? Which will be the most painful farewell of them all? Is there such a thing anyway? Aren’t all farewells tinged with a little bit of sadness?
I have a week more to discover it or perhaps a lifetime to understand it. For now, all I can say is, I will miss my life here, but I absolutely cannot wait for the new one that is about to begin soon. It’s not goodbye yet.